Secrets to a Healthy Relaionship
A little disclaimer, I am NOT an expert at these things. I’m simply sharing my own personal experience with my relationship and sharing what I think is most important and what I have learned. If you’re reading this article for advice, I would strongly suggest you seek professional help and not rely on just this article.
I have been with my boyfriend for just over four years. We started dating in the summer before our senior year; we’ve known each other since second grade. We’ve been best friends for a long time, but me being my oblivious self I was the ONLY person who didn’t know he had a crush on me.
Anyways, before I bore you with the details about the events leading up to us getting together, the main question I get is, “how have you guys stayed together for so long?” “Don’t you guys ever get bored?”
I have been asked questions like this a lot and truth be told, I have *some* idea, but I got together with this guy when I was 16 and he just turned 17. We had our first date on his birthday. We were young and stupid and had no idea what we were doing, nor did we expect this relationship to work out, we were just testing out the waters and having fun. And then all of a sudden, a year passed, then two, then three, and then our fourth anniversary just past and I’ve still been just as happy as I have when I first got together with him.
In this relationship, I’ve learned the three C’s: Commitment, Compromise, and Communication.
Compassion: We always put in the effort, just because we’ve been together for so long, doesn’t mean we stop trying. An example of this would be going on dinner dates, watching a movie together, going on a drive, or even just taking a simple nap. It’s easier now that we live together, but that doesn’t mean we’re both not busy. We have always been putting in the same amount of effort as we have been when we got together.
I find that the issue with modern couples nowadays is that they stop trying after their “Honeymoon phase” is over. The Honeymoon Phase, where a relationship is brand new and fresh, you’re dating someone and they instantly give you butterflies and the relationship fills you up with excitement inside. I know that feeling well, but, after that phase is over, you’re faced with the reality that relationships are hard work and not always fun. The main thing is you and your partner have to work together and make lots of commitments to each other. If you both can’t handle that, there’s a good chance it won’t work.
Compromise: Another important thing is you have to give each other space. This was a hard one for me. Once we moved in together last year, I wanted to be with him all the time. I got super clingy, which I didn’t know why I was. When we weren’t moved in together, I was super independent, doing my own thing, and would go over to his house if I had the time to. Then when we were living together, I guess the thrill of seeing him all the time just gave me the intention that I couldn’t get enough of him. So we had a conversation about it and he has explained to me that he needs space from time to time and so do I. Now, I completely understand why he got a little frustrated, I would be too. So spend time together, but also give each other space to do things you both individually enjoy. Even long-term couples need their space too.
Communication: Always communicate with your partner. Without communication in a relationship, you won’t have much. You need to explain your feelings to one another, especially during arguments. Also, having arguments in a relationship is healthy, it gets out bottled-up feelings that you feel you need to get out with your partner. However, excessively fighting is a different story. During arguments, it should always be you and your partner against the problem, not you versus your partner. Communication doesn’t begin with arguments though, it can be talking about what you like in the bedroom, talking about your day at school/work, or just talking at all. Just talk to your partner about anything you feel like you should get off your chest. If you feel like you can’t talk to your partner comfortably, that’s a problem.
Above all, relationships take two, you and your partner should be working together, not against each other. If you’re in a funk with your partner, try to remember why you got together with them in the first place.